As I calmed my breaths, I knew running away from it was no longer an option anymore.  I’ve been running from it for so long that ... I don’t even remember why anymore, but in the back of my mind knew what, like an old clock chiming every few hours.

I then heard it coming from both the snapping of twigs and decaying leaves as well as the clouds, once again locking me in the dark once more.  But I did not run, did not scream. I stood still, waiting for it to arrive.

I mean I wanted to run but despite my body wanting to take the flight option ... I chose fight.

Chill.  A chill ran down my spine.  I knew it was behind me, so I turned to face it.  Despite how pitch black it was, I knew it was there from its presence but mostly from its bright glowing eyes that felt like staring at the sun.

I took a deep breath and opened my mouth but of course I could not say a word.  Of course, it never wanted me to talk, but I managed to find my voice.

“I’m tired of this.  I’m done letting you take control of my life.  You always kept me from being myself, and I’m done!” I yelled at it, not even noticing that the grass beneath me that was once decaying, was now how it was meant to be, and even a light surrounding me was growing brighter.

As for the thing ... my anxiety, my depression, was stepping back like it was afraid of me now. Even though it never had a mouth, it can talk to me in my head.  Normally it said negative things like, “unless”, “no one wants you”.  It was now saying, “Please don’t do it, you and I both know you can’t live without me.”

“No, I can, you’re no longer in control of my decisions and actions so begone!” I yelled and everything was engulfed with a bright light.

I had to shut my eyes because it was so hard to see, but a few seconds later I opened them and found myself in a grassy plain instead of the pitch black darkness.  But not only that, I felt more confident and even happy which I’ve not felt in a long time.  I also realised that I could no longer hear those voices in my head any more, it was ... my own thoughts. I started to feel tears welling up in my eyes.  I finally feel alive, happy, and I no longer felt afraid.

I rubbed my eyes with my arm and took a deep breath.  Normally breathing felt painful, but now it was soothing and warm.  I could finally be myself (and stop thinking on what others thought) as well as the new bright future that I’m going to go to instead of being afraid.

Paul O - Year 14